- What does feeling felt feel like?
- What is the authentic self, the HOH or Head of Household?
- What is the Strategic Self?
- What is the Sentinel?
- What does beginning EBE look like?
- How much does it cost to do EBE?
- Who is a good candidate to do EBE?
- How long does it take to do EBE?
- What is Surrogacy in EBE?
- What does it look and feel like after doing EBE?
- What elements does EBE actually offer that make it truly effective in healing emotional conflict from childhood?
What does feeling felt feel like?
It is an experience of being known and experienced at a most intimate level of existence from a person that has a base of self-love and self-connect. This feeling felt is more than empathy as standard psychology offers, as empathy can be based in self-disconnect and a lack of self-love, resulting in a fusing with the others feeling. When we can feel another feel us reality is safe. We are validated at our most basic level of being and we can then digest reality and life situations that are challenging and painful for us.
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What is the authentic self, the HOH or Head of Household?
The authentic self is the aspect of us that gets freed up in EBE work. It is the part of us that did not get met in childhood in a healthy way that then is the platform to deepen and widen through the differentiation process of EBE. It is the part of us that is and feels worthy of love and connection with self and others. The HOH or Head of Household is the emerging authentic self that gets clearer and brighter as we differentiate from our subpersona conflicts, congestions, defense systems medications, and false/compensatory ego boundaries. It is the aspect of us that does not have a self-image and lives in non-content specific joy, support, clarity, passion, magic, trust, vulnerability, and love.
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The Strategic Self is who we are by default, the person we experience ourselves to be. This is a completely artificial version of personhood because it is based in the part of us that formed to protect us from our experience of the most basic level of reality not being safe. Without our parents or primary caregivers having deconstructed their own defenses they were unable to feel us at a non-verbal root emotive and energetic heart level. In the absence of being able to feel our parents feel us we developed a defense system that looked to maximize acceptance and approval, as that was the closest thing to being felt, and minimize rejection and disapproval, as that was the closest thing to feeling the core disconnect that we felt with our parents being unable to feel us.
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The Sentinel complex is the actual array of defensed-based subpersonas. The Provider Sentinel acts as the author of the addictions and medications of the individual, providing false substitutes for love in order to keep the feelings of the subpersonas at a level of containment so that the person's defenses can cope with them to some degree. It also serves to protect the individual from perceived harm via those medications and addictive patterns. The Punisher Sentinel holds the judgment of self (especially with the Shame subpersona) and towards others, creating situations that in its perception keep the subpersonas and itself from more rejection. The Premier Sentinel is the chief of our defenses, using our soul's gifts to keep the core disconnect and unworthiness parts protected. It uses good truths of life, such as philosophical beliefs and valid perceptions of reality, to not allow these core parts to reach the interface of life again. The sentinels are the most loving aspect of us, however they were never given the means of how to transact love with the subpersonas and can only offer actions of some kind as substitutes for the love that being felt imparts.
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What does beginning EBE look like?
The basic format is the person is given journaling assignments that pave the road to getting to know their basic subpersonas, and then with time doing what is called 'drop-ins' where we talk with the subpersona directly in a voice dialogue format, which then helps the client to speak with their subpersonas in a new healthy way. This is the first step of self-differentiation inside the person. With time the Strategic self is deconstructed, with more and more differentiation. Eventually the core defenses are met with and dialogued with in the same manner, negotiating steps with the de-tox process in EBE, this is after the initial subpersonas have had time connecting with the Facilitator and the HOH (head of household) of the client. Sessions usually are a combination of group and individual format on a weekly or monthly basis.
Weekend Intensives usually consist of 15 hours over the span of a weekend with a group of participants and a facilitator that then helps you through the beginning EBE journaling assignments. By the end of the weekend you get a taste of your first six subpersonas: Hurt, Anxiety, Rage, Control, Depression, and Shame, from which you can then deepen your relationship with in ongoing individual sessions and monthly groups.
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How much does it cost to do EBE?
Costs usually range from $60-120 per session depending on the facilitators training. The individual sessions usually last up 1 to 1½ hours or the intensive days up to 6-7 hours. The group sessions have up to 10 people for a weekend that meets every month for 12 hours, the cost ranges from $200-300 per person for each weekend. There are possibilities of sliding scale rates for special situations.
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Who is a good candidate to do EBE?
A prospective client first meets with an EBE facilitator to get a feel for each other. The facilitator is looking for sufficient motivation for healing versus polishing a strategic self, what their soul capacity is, if there is a willingness to look in themselves to really ask themselves the kinds of questions EBE asks in order to heal.
A person needs to be unhappy with their life and unhappy with their unhappiness. Facilitators look for any history of sexual/physical abuse, and the degree of wounding in childhood, as both affects the length of time needed and the ability to do EBE. A person usually needs to have had some kind of therapy but not be a therapy junkie. We explore where medications are and how extreme, the conscious relationship to them, as well as look for the subtler medications of substances, behaviors, energetic substances, and themes of self-image. EBE works with people from all backgrounds and belief systems. It comes out of Theohumanity but does not ask clients to adhere to anything. As stated in the premises of EBE, a client's value systems will be challenged and looked at, as they are humanistic expressions that can be filtered by the defense system to avoid feeling unhealed family of origin conflicts and congestion.
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How long does it take to do EBE?
Emotional body enlightenment is a lifelong deepening process and in that there is no set course of time. However there is a place where a facilitator is no longer needed on an ongoing basis. This usually takes between 2 and 4 years with some combination of individual and group sessions, as finally healing one's unmet dependent need-based wounds form childhood is not a weekend affair. Like enlightenment in Buddhistic traditions, EBE is an arduous journey, but well worth the time and effort.
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There is a phase in EBE called surrogacy where the core disconnect/core unworthiness part is accessed and there is too little HOH to be with the part in a way that helps it digest how reality was unsafe for it. So the facilitator and the client invite the subpersona of the person to choose someone who will be the surrogate parent for a length of time for that part. This makes it possible for the part to be able to have a new experience of childhood. It usually lasts for a few weeks with meetings and phone calls, with the surrogate parent and part (the client dropping in to the part when with the surrogate parent), which then gives the HOH of the client the room to relate to the part in this new way too. The time is takes for the client to actually be ready for surrogacy depends on their willingness to go through the detoxing of major life medications (usually around the 1-2 year mark). These medications are always the means or fuel in which the Strategic Self holds its false ego boundaries together while covering over the core disconnect/core unworthiness subself's unmet needs.
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What does it look and feel like after doing EBE?
EBE offers a way to dissolve a person's inauthentic and strategic self-image. As only someone that has core unworthiness and/or core disconnect needs a self-image to provide their defenses with a compensatory sense of self to replace the lack of connectedness to life and themselves that an undefended heartfield imparts. Feeling and experiencing life without that lens is very different. EBE imparts much of what spiritual disciplines have offered via a transcendence based method, but from a purely ego-based healing ground. There is peace of heart and mind. A person healthily relates to life contents and contexts, choosing the health of a moment over happiness, comfort, or security. EBE helps a person sit in a new seat of being of innate goodness and connectedness. They are then able to digest reality with whatever challenges and pain comes their way.
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To be capable of helping us heal and not just treat emotive congestion caused by benign or malignant neglect or abuse in childhood, seven fundamental components are necessary.
- An accurate map of the universal architecture of the human emotional body.
- A new paradigm of characteriological change based on the primacy of your emotional body over your mental, which confronts current old-paradigm-based philosophical distortions in our understandings about intimacy, the nature of human self-interest, what actually constitutes healthy parenting, and current definitions of the notion of self-esteem.
- A self-to-self differentiation process based on a universal model of psychopathogenesis in childhood that details how children’s dependent needs are not met, and by extension, a new way of looking at the ground of how codependent adult intimate relatedness actually moves at the unconscious level. Without a clear understanding of how emotional congestion is formed, stored, and is expressed overtly and surreptitiously in the form of your subpersonas, an actual healing of your unconscious inner painful fixations is impossible.
- A recognition of the degree of your inauthentic strategic self and how deeply it has become you. All of the issues for which you need therapeutic healing are held together by the presence of your strategic self, and only its deconstruction could ever result in creation of your authentic selfhood, and with it, true recovery from your family-of-origin sources of emotive wounding.
- A ‘tough love’-based model of detox or demedication process. No current psychotherapeutic model adequately challenges the medicative aspects of societally acceptable forms of behavior that have as virulent a numb-down effect of your pain as alcohol and drug abuse. Our relationship to relationships of all kinds, with others, with your spirituality, with your notions of success, and especially with your search for what you think you need to be happy and personally fulfilled, all are suffused with unconscious core unworthiness and strategy. Without a firm confrontation of these societally acceptable pervasive levels of psychopathologic patterns, therapy will only treat your wounding and not allow for the ground necessary for true healing.
- A means of accessing, processing, and healing existential level emotive wounding. Your deepest despair and self-disconnection lives within you at pre-verbal levels of wounding, wherein reality itself was rendered unsafe by lack of energetic emotive bonding with your caregivers. Without a proactive means to access and heal this level of wounding, all of your work at addressing fixations in later verbal and situational developmental forms of wounding will only result in a partial outworking of your issues and the persistence of your strategic self.
- Establishment of a true emotional body-based energetic connect with an emotional growth facilitator or therapist. Only when you and your subpersona personalities can consistently feel your facilitator feel what you are feeling while you are feeling it, and not just know, empathize, or sympathize with what you are feeling, which requires a completely different facilitant interface than what has been taught by traditional psychological teachings, will there be the energetic ground that will allow your undigested emotive congestion to heal.
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